Tanked
by Lunar-ninja
Summary: The planet D'Hoonib has discovered a Stargate in its dirt...Rated for O'Neill's potty mouth.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Well, I've had this sitting on my hard drive gathering dust for quite a few months now and I thought I'd just put it up and see what happened, since I've received so many reviews asking for more of Aria of the Crystal (Which just might be dead as a doornail). If you don't know the Stargate show, relax, because our favorite little green friends will arrive soon. 8D

Story takes place around the third season of TMNT, except it's a little AU because Traximus and his buddies managed to oust Zanramon before he got to Earth. Since SG-1's earth is oblivious to the existence of aliens, this is crucial. Also takes place around the 3rd season of SG-1.

* * *

"Did I already mention how bad a feeling I'm getting about this 'Blanque' fellow?"

"Indeed you have, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c replied, raising his eyebrows as he turned to look at the speaker. "Many times."

Daniel Jackson furrowed his brow and adjusted his round glasses. "Well I mean…He seemed to take in the fact that the Stargate goes other places a little _too _calmly. Most world leaders we've come across at least act a little surprised. Most world leaders with _technology_ like that act a little surprised. And call me crazy but he was giving the MALP a weird look." The archeologist looked up as the thick side door to the Embarkation Room slid back into the wall.

Colonel Jack O'Neill stepped through at a relaxed jaunt, followed closely by Major Samantha Carter. Both wore identical gear to Teal'c and Daniel's: green fatigues with black vests and combat boots "Wellboy, all set for our little chat with the big cheese?" He fitted his green baseball cap snugly to his head and threw a suggestive look at Daniel.

"Um, no, actually, I'm not," Daniel muttered, shifting his stance.

"So what else is new?"

The speaker in the corner of the room crackled. "Chevron one engaged," one of the Gate personnel called out as the Stargate's inner ring began to circle around.

"I mean, since when has any world we visited which had an army official as its leader ever turned out well for our collective person?" Daniel continued, oblivious to O'Neill's frequent exasperated expressions. "The last few times we wound up as pawns in a war between two countries or locked in cages."

Major Carter looked at him. "Yeah, well, technically we're being led by military officials too."

"…Point," the archeologist conceded. Not willing to give up the battle yet, he started again. "But that look in his eyes didn't seem like the 'goodwill towards all life' kind."

"Chevron two engaged."

"Oh come on, Daniel, stop being so paranoid. You're acting like a little old lady," O'Neill said dismissively, pulling his fingerless black gloves on further. Teal'c raised one eyebrow but said nothing. Which wasn't really a surprise, considering that the Jaffa rarely said more than ten words in a day. "If Teal'c's not worried, I'm not worried."

"…When is he ever worried?"

O'Neill held up his index finger with a smile. "Exactly."

"Chevron three engaged."

Major Carter adjusted her P-90 and gave Daniel a warm smile. "I don't think we have much to be concerned about, Daniel; General Blanque seemed completely at ease when we first contacted," she said.

The archeologist pursed his lips. "And that doesn't have you the _slightest _bit concerned?" he persisted.

She paused and glanced at the spinning inner ring of the Stargate. "…No?"

"Chevron four engaged."

"Come _on _Daniel," O'Neill said with a wave of his hand. "The man said his planet was an inter-galactic trade center. That's too juicy a thing to leave untouched for the people running this place." The archeologist sighed. "Besides. Carter's just _itching_ to get a look at their 'highly advanced pieces of technology'," he quipped in the woman's direction.

Carter gave him a long-suffering look and shifted. "But it's true. If what Blanque says is correct – " Daniel coughed suggestively. " – then D'Hoonib could offer us plenty of weapons and resources to keep the Goa'uld at the edge of the fence. Maybe even bring the fight to _them _for once."

"Chevron five engaged."

"Look, all I'm saying is maybe that we should exercise more caution on this one," Daniel said with a twitch of his eyebrows.

O'Neill gave him a weird look. "More than we _usually _do? Daniel, is that even possible?"

"It is indeed possible, O'Neill," Teal'c interjected in all seriousness. O'Neill turned to him and gave him the very driest of smiles.

"Chevron six engaged."

Daniel sighed. "Well I suppose there's no getting out of this one."

O'Neill now set his sarcasm on the archeologist. "Did you figure that out before or _after _General Hammond gave us the 'Okay'?"

"Chevron seven _locked_." The group turned to watch the unstable wormhole spring out of the 'gate like a horse out of the starting gate and withdraw to form the rippling puddle they had come to know so well. The 'gate room filled with dancing light.

"Time to go, kids," O'Neill said cheerfully, walking jauntily up the ramp. Teal'c inclined his head as he passed by. Then the Jaffa hefted his staff-weapon and the two disappeared into the shimmering wall, leaving nothing but ripples to show their passage. Carter looked at Daniel and shrugged slightly before following the colonel and the alien.

Daniel heaved a sigh. "And here we go." He entered the 'gate.

* * *

"Would this be a bad time to say I told you so?" Daniel asked as he watched O'Neill bounce a button from his SGC jacket off the wall and back.

"Why yes, Daniel, it _would. _Thanks ever so for asking." The colonel continued to bounce his button, looking extremely bored.

Blanque had double-crossed them, as the archeologist suspected he would. As soon as he and Major Carter emerged from the gate into D'Hoonib, they found numerous, bristling weapons pointed at them. O'Neill and Teal'c were on the ground, out cold. The two had immediately shown hostile intentions and were dealt with faster than they could blink. Carter and Daniel were herded into a cargo vessel (O'Neill and Teal'c dragged, of course) and locked inside cells in a prison complex of sorts. The cells were divided by clear walls and surrounded by the same material, excluding two solid walls on either side of the quad of cells. So when O'Neill woke up, Daniel and Carter knew right away that he was conscious by the undeniably miffed groan and the muttered curses. Teal'c, predictably, was more silent.

Carter leaned against her cell divider. "In the colonel's defense, it wasn't as if we really could've known Blanque would betray our trust," she said.

"_Ahem_."

"_Sorry_, Daniel."

"And _yet_, here we are," O'Neill deadpanned. The button clicked.

"Should we not be finding a means of escape, Major Carter?" Carter glanced toward Teal'c, who stood stoic in his usual position with his arms behind his back and legs at shoulder width. The Jaffa raised one eyebrow. "If General Blanque wants information on how to use the Stargate, he will be back very soon."

"What makes you think the traitorous _bastard_ doesn't know how to use it already?" O'Neill asked bitterly. "He's already got cool gizmos coming out his _ears_. And the scientists who made them."

Daniel raised his eyebrows and pursed his lips. "Well, I mean, what other reason would we be rotting in cells for?"

O'Neill looked exasperated. "_Entertainment_? A sick prank? Some little friendly 'get-to-know-you-before-we-ally' crap? Breaking the ice?" Teal'c inclined his head curiously at all these terms but remained silent.

"You remember how long it took _us _to figure out the 'gate, sir," Carter said with a shrug. "It wouldn't be any different for a civilization who unearthed the 'gate barely five days ago. I mean, despite all their advanced technology, the 'gate system is very new to them. Without help it could take them almost as long as it did us."

"So much for superior brain power," the colonel scoffed, bouncing his button. "So what about an out?"

Carter bit her lip apprehensively. "These walls appear to be made of roughly the same technology as Goa'uld shields…only without the painful shock on contact. I'm not sure how to get them down, much less where to start."

"I _fail _to see how this helps us, Carter," O'Neill said with his usual tact. 'Clack clack' went the button.

"…Right, and we've escaped _Goa'uld _cells _how _many times now?"

"Oh shut up, Daniel."

Footsteps came from down the hall and O'Neill stopped bouncing his button. Three soldiers in D'Hoonibian gear walked past, arms behind their backs and spines ramrod straight. O'Neill guessed that they were putting on a show for somebody important. The three stopped at the corner of Daniel's cell and turned to face the four prisoners. Their faces might as well have been stone. He was nearly ready to mock their posture but held himself back. There were bigger fish to insult coming down the hall.

If the colonel could count the number of times that a megalomaniac had chosen to make his entrance with a small show of force, he'd be out of fingers. The Goa'uld and various evildoers performed evil things using such a tactic oh-so-many times when they desired to taunt SG-1 outside the bars (Or force field, depending who it was.). The said megalomaniac appeared next, significantly less concerned with looking disciplined than his officers. He stopped in front of the divider between Daniel and O'Neill's cells and gave them all a wicked grin. O'Neill was very unimpressed. This guy could learn about fifty things on how to make an entrance from the Goa'uld.

"And to what do we owe the honor of being visited in our dingy cells?" The colonel motioned with one hand to his surroundings. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Daniel stand and adjust his glasses.

The General sneered. "You should know well enough, Colonel O'Neill. I want that circular device activated for the Federation's use!" O'Neill was partly distracted by the jagged scar running up the right side of his face and through his eye that bulged when Blanque made any sort of expression. He blinked, looked back to the man's craggy face, and made a note to later mock him on the subject.

"Ah yes. Universal domination," he said, giving the man a hearty dose of his best 'bored' voice. "You know, I've heard that about a dozen times and let me tell you – "

"What even makes you think we'd tell you how?" Daniel cut in. O'Neill gave him a mournful look. The archeologist had a habit of interrupting his 'mocking the world leader' rants like clockwork. Oh, but such a question could never stump the General.

He scratched his chin. "Well, I was considering doing experiments on that symbiote of your friend's," he said, eyeing Teal'c. The Jaffa stiffened. O'Neill rolled his eyes in an attempt to keep from getting baited. In reality experimentation would probably kill the larval Goa'uld, taking Teal'c with it. He had to get the subject away from Junior somehow.

"I think he'd crack all your bones in half with his bare hands if you tried," the colonel replied cheerfully. He caught a glimpse of Carter trying to keep a straight face.

"Is that so?" Blanque smirked.

"Yes, it is _terribly_ so," he said just as cheerfully as before.

The General leaned forward. "If not him, then I'm _sure _I could find laboratory use for you other three. My scientists are always eager to experiment on alien life forms."

"Oh, I dunno, we're pretty average, the three of us. Except for Daniel, he's got that rash – " The archeologist gave him an exasperated look. O'Neill shrugged. Daniel knew he was joking of course. But the General would be none the wiser. "And be_sides _that, you don't really want all the weapons fire of Earth shot up your miserable ass, do you? Because old Hammond won't hesitate to blow you to smithereens if he finds you're not the friendly aliens we've been told you are."

Blanque sneered. "Your wretched planet is far too inferior to even _scratch_ the Federation," he said with a wicked grin. He was very right (Which was of course a blow to the colonel's sense of Earthly pride) but O'Neill wasn't about to let him get ground in this petty discussion.

"As far as _you _know," he replied childishly, starting up the button once more. If he had learned anything when having been a captive of various alien races it was that the leaders hated nothing more than being partially ignored.

The General scratched his chin. "Well, if you four won't cooperate, I'm sure the _other_ four green aliens from your miserable water-logged planet will."

Carter straightened, Daniel gave Blanque a weird look, and O'Neill raised his eyebrows.

"…Green…aliens?" Carter asked, puzzled. "What green aliens?"

"We um…we don't _have_ any aliens on our planet," Daniel put in with his usual pointed-ness. "Besides Teal'c, that is."

"Martians maybe? Did they come from a red planet nearby and were they wearing broomstick tops on their helmets?" O'Neill asked, keeping a perfectly serious face. "Were they trying to blow Earth out of the way so they could see Venus better?"

"Oh, don't try to play stupid with me," he growled venomously, ruining the colonel's good mood for the moment. "They _foiled_ my plans to get the Fugitoid's Teleportal device and my enemies took the opportunity to jail me with that idiot of a Triceraton Prime Leader!" He smacked his fist against the force field wall and sent shock waves rolling across it.

The team was silent for a few moments. That outburst had meant business. It would seem the aliens he talked of had stepped on a few toes the last time they had encountered the good General. But of course, O'Neill couldn't let him get away with that little tantrum.

"And that time in the big house taught you _nothing_ of temper control," O'Neill said airily. Blanque pressed a button on a badge in his belt. There was a zap as a bolt of electricity shot out of the wall and O'Neill was down on the floor groaning.

"Colonel!" "Jack!" Carter and Daniel cried simultaneously, pressing against the force field. Teal'c's stone mask gave way to concern as his superior screwed his face up in pain.

Blanque turned to one of the three men on his right. "Take one of the green Tau'ri aliens to the lab on Level 8. We'll see if he's got information on the Fugitoid's whereabouts. If he's unwilling to cooperate, you have my permission to experiment on the symbiote until the other three are ready to tell us how to use this…Stargate." O'Neill emitted a weak growl.

The General looked down at the colonel. "I _will _get the means to destroy my enemies and conquer the galaxy one way or another, make no mistake," he said venomously. His and the soldiers' footsteps faded down the hall until they were gone.

Carter sighed and watched the colonel regain control of his limbs. "Oh, god…" He sat upright and rubbed his face. "Why do they always feel the need to do that?"

Daniel crossed his arms and leaned against the force field. "Well, you don't exactly put them in a good mood," he pointed out.

"It's what I _do_, Daniel."

"Are you alright, O'Neill?"

"Annoyed as hell but otherwise fine, thank you Teal'c."

Carter stood up and looked around her cell more thoroughly than before, peering closely at certain sections of the wall and standing on tip toes at points. Teal'c spoke up again, a rare feat. "General Blanque claimed he had found alien life forms among the Tau'ri. Were we not aware of this?" he asked, cocking his head.

Daniel glanced at him. "That's just the thing, though, Teal'c; we _would _know about it. Green aliens especially. They don't exactly blend like the Goa'uld." He stopped. "No, scratch that, the Goa'uld don't blend either with that superiority complex…"

"Oh, we'd have known about it unless those _dogs _at the NID got there first," O'Neill grunted. His dislike of the civilian organization and their inability to fight fair was well known amongst the SGC. In the past, a number of their very unsavory characters had tried many times to shut down the 'gate program, thankfully without success.

"I don't think so, Jack. If the NID had aliens, how would Blanque get a hold of them? I sincerely doubt they have technology like Asgard beams."

O'Neill looked up and gave Daniel an exasperated look. "Blanque and his smarmy squad of goons probably _bribed _them, I dunno."

"If the NID got in contact with Blanque somehow, there would've had to be a ship in or –"

"But there was," Carter interrupted, still probing her cell. "About 2 days ago."

Daniel and O'Neill looked up in surprise. Teal'c gave his usual eye brow raise.

"There was a ship in orbit?" Daniel asked, blinking.

"And how the hell did we not hear about this?" O'Neill demanded, giving Carter a sharp look.

She shrugged. "Well sir, it was only in orbit for maybe an hour. It came and left very quickly."

"Rather sloppy on _your _part."

"At first, telemetry didn't even place it as a ship. It was using too little energy; probably cloaked. We thought it was just some weird energy signature making its way through space. But then the energy readings spiked for a brief moment and the ship left Earth and made a hyperspace window. After that we lost it."

O'Neill grunted. "There's a new wrinkle."

Teal'c spoke up again. "Perhaps the energy burst was something akin to transport rings," he offered.

"It's not entirely impossible," Carter said with a nod.

O'Neill now noticed her inspecting the walls. "Carter, what _are _you doing?" he demanded.

She looked back. "I'm trying to find where that shock that knocked you down might have come from, sir. I'm assuming there's one in each cell."

"…Is that an in_telligent_ thing to do?" he asked grumpily.

"Well sir, if I can find an access panel of some sort where the power is routed to let a shock leap from one point to another point, I may be able to disable the force field in my cell. Or possibly all four."

O'Neill squinted at her. "Alrighty then, carry on," he said dismissively, picking up the button he had been bouncing before Blanque had come to chat. He began to bounce it against the wall once more.

Daniel had himself glued to the hallway-facing force field in his cell, looking out at the prisoners across it. Most of them didn't even look like anything they had encountered before. One of them even resembled a triceratops. He had a zigzagging scar across his left eye. Scabs and lacerations covered his body. Daniel wondered if that was one of the Triceraton creatures Blanque had so acidly mentioned. The alien looked up tiredly and locked eyes with the archeologist for a brief moment. The man waved tentatively. The alien let his eyes droop again.

"Well I think I see one of those Triceraton things Blanque mentioned. He looks like he's in bad shape," he said to anyone who would listen.

"Wonderful, Daniel," O'Neill said unenthusiastically. 'Clack clack' went the button.

"Ow! Hold it _down, _Felms!" THUD. "_FRACK! _You're gonna regret that, you green midget!"

Daniel perked up. "And I think I see one of those green aliens he talked about." Two soldiers walked down the hallway toward SG-1 complex. Between them they held a green creature wearing a red strip of cloth around what appeared to be its head.

"Ugh…hold…_still _and I won't have to _shoot _you."

"When I get outta here, you're gonna wish you'd shot your_self_, Igor! Oof!"

"Man, I hope they remove a limb or two in that lab…ACK! Why _you_ – "CRACK. There went the butt of the blaster over the alien's head.

"Ow…yeah, nice shot, _pansy. _Might've knocked out your _grandma_ – " Oh, and there went the fist into the gut again. The alien slumped with a grunt and the two soldiers dragged it by its shackled arms.

As they passed by, Daniel heard it list under its breath some unpleasant uses for a Sai that he (judging by voice timbre) would be happy to inflict on Blanque and his cronies, Tweedledee and Tweedledum. Then they were past SG-1's cells but the noise still lingered as the alien struggled against the guards. The archeologist slash linguist turned to speak to the rest of the team.

"Well, he sounded Earth enough. I place the accent in Brooklyn, New York City," he said, adjusting his glasses. "And he even mademovie references."

"Yeah, but how would something like _that_ be from Earth?" O'Neill asked. "Unless of course there was oh…say, a chemical spill in New York and the crocodiles we _all _know are down there mutated, but that's com_pletely _absurd."

"I guess the only way to find out would be to ask them, sir." Carter stepped back from the wall, a satisfied look on her face. There was a small access panel opening revealed near the ceiling, the door swung open.

Teal'c inclined his head. "And how do you intend to do that, Major Carter?" His answer came when the force fields for all four cells went down in a shimmering curtain. O'Neill stood up quickly and awarded her a grin.

"Nice work, Carter," he said happily. "I was wondering when that geek skill of yours would kick in."

She rolled her eyes. "Thank you, sir." Teal'c looked down his and Carter's hallway.

"There appear to be no guards stationed in this area for now," the Jaffa stated.

"Oh goodie. Now if only I had my P-90, zat, and C4s," O'Neill half lamented, peering around his corner as well. "No guards here either."

"I think we should head down that way. If we want answers to that E.T.'s on Earth thing, we're going to have to get them from the other three aliens," Daniel said, jerking his head down his and O'Neill's hallway.

Carter nodded. "We're going to have to be cautious, sir. We're unarmed and there's no telling where our weapons are or if a shift of guards will be coming soon." O'Neill nodded as well and gave the signal to move down the hallway.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Just a heds up, because the Triceraton invasion never occurred in this universe, the turtles had never met Bishop before. Thank you and have a nice day.

* * *

"I wonder what they're gonna do to Raph," Mikey said nervously, twiddling his thumbs as he sat with his shell to the wall. "All the sci-fi movies I've _ever_ watched have really bad interrogation scenes…Maybe something'll burst out of his stomach when he gets back." Don shook his head at him and rolled his eyes.

"All we can do is hope they don't hurt him too much," Leo muttered. "If they wanted us dead they'd have done that by now."

"Yeah, he can't die on us yet! He still owes me five bucks for eating an entire bowl full of sauerkraut!"

"Mikey, that's disgusting."

"Tell me about it. The bowel problems were _so _not worth it." Leo groaned and palmed his face.

"If only I'd been more thorough with the security around the Lair," Don lamented, pacing the cell back and forth. "We could've known they were coming. We would've been able to get away from that guy…Bishop…before he captured us."

Leo glanced at him. "It's not your fault, Donnie. Bishop probably disarmed the sensors in the tunnels before he came knocking."

"That makes me feel _so_ much better." Leo winced. Poor choice of words.

The orange-wearing turtle on the floor groaned. "I'm so hungry…I'd settle for a big pile of floor wax even!" A loud growl filled the room and Mikey patted his plastron where his stomach would be located. "It's okay, baby, daddy's gonna find you some food soon…"

Leo rolled his eyes and leaned against the force field facing the hallway. "Bishop seemed like he wanted to pick us apart. Why did he give us to a different organization? It strikes me as weird that a government whackbag wouldn't want the glory of exposing monsters to himself," Don mused, still pacing.

"The NID," Leo supplied distractedly. His eyes were fixed on the hallway.

"Who then, in turn, gave us to the Federation. It just doesn't make sense."

"Right now, nothing does, Donnie. At least Splinter got away…"

"Well, for the moment, all we can do is focus on getting Raph back first," Don said.

"How about getting out of _here_?" Mikey whimpered. "I don't think my tummy can take much more of this."

Don sighed and stopped pacing. "The walls are smooth as glass, the air vents are teensy, and I have no idea how to deal with force fields. I'm out of my league, guys."

"So we're stuck then," Leo concluded.

"Pretty much. I don't think a distraction like on the Triceraton Prison world will work either."

"Well dude, this bites," Mikey said mournfully.

"I thought the Federation had no interest in Earth," Leo muttered distractedly.

Don scratched his chin. "Could be that they're still looking for the Professor, and we were the last ones seen meddling with him."

"But we don't even know where the tin 'bot is! He left Earth a long time ago!" Mikey protested. The cell filled with a groan and the turtle rubbed his plastron, cooing to it.

"But we know he left with the Utroms," Don pointed out. "What _doesn't _make sense is that we've been in this cell for nearly two days now without anything happening to us. Well, until Raph anyway."

"Dude, how do you know this stuff? They conked us out when we got caught – Oh _baby_, just be patient, I swear you'll get num-nums soon…" Don rolled his eyes.

"Well, let's see. It was an afternoon when Bishop caught us. When we woke up we were in a Federation transport vessel. Then…we…hrm…Although the _last _time we were in the Federation slash Triceraton area, we were gone for three weeks and Splinter insisted it was only for eight hours…so – "

"Okay okay, spare me the techno babble, would you Donnie? You don't know how long we were gone, _do _you?"

"…Not a clue," he said with a sigh.

"Well I – " Leo suddenly jerked away from the force field. "What the – !" There was a man with short brown hair and circular glasses crouched near the corner on the outside of their cell. He put a finger to his lips as a sign to stay quiet and motioned off to the side. Three more people came through. One of them, a woman with short blonde hair, began to work on the control panel outside.

One of the three men, a gray-haired fellow, waved cheerfully. "Hi there!"

Mikey got up and walked curiously to the force field. "Dude, who the heck are you guys?" he asked tactlessly.

"Oh, just the neighborhood rescue team." The force field went down and Don peered out cautiously. "That was _way_ quicker than last time, Carter. You been holding out on us?"

"No sir, the second time's just always easier." Carter, the woman, stood up. "We've got to get out of here, sir; they're bound to have found our cells empty by now."

"Agreed," the third man, a sizeable and muscular dark-skinned fellow said.

"Um, thanks. But if you don't mind me asking, who are you guys?" Don asked. He stepped out of the cell near Muscles and looked up at him. The dark-skinned man was nearly a foot and a half taller than him. "And why are you letting us out?"

"Can we talk about this _later_?" Mikey was already out of the cell and standing in the middle of the hallway. "I'm willing to take freedom no matter how weirdly it came."

Gray Hair looked at him peevishly. Glasses sighed. "You're just going to have to trust us for now. There isn't much time to explain. Are you going to come or not?" he said to Leo and Don.

Don looked at Leo, who shrugged. "Might as well. We'll need our weapons back though," the blue-clad turtle said.

"That is precisely where we are headed," Muscles said with a nod. The group began to move off down the hall when Mikey exclaimed "Wait!"

When he received questioning looks, he looked a little embarrassed. "What about Traximus and Raph?"

Leo nodded. "He's right." He glanced at Gray Hair, who appeared to be the leader. "We're grateful for your help," he said with a bow. "Maybe we'll run into each other again soon."

Carter blinked. "But wait, I need to ask you – " And they vanished. "…That was weird."

"Forget it, Carter, let's just get our equipment back," O'Neill grunted. They crept down the hall once more.

Five minutes later they had found a room full of what appeared to be a hoard of confiscated weapons. Presently they came upon their possessions, with everything in tact. O'Neill and Teal'c were strapping on their vests when Daniel came across weapons that didn't belong with all the guns. There were a pair of swords, hilts wrapped in blue cloth, a staff wrapped in the middle with purple, a pair of strange fork-like things (Daniel guessed they were Sais) wrapped in red, and nunchakus wrapped in orange. They looked like Japanese martial arts weapons. The archeologist recognized the colors as the same ones the creatures had been wearing around their heads.

He held up the Sais. "Think these were what the green guys were talking about?" A klaxon began to go off. Teal'c tossed a zat gun to Carter, who caught it and strapped it to her leg. The Jaffa also located his staff-weapon and picked that up as well.

O'Neill looked up at the ceiling and made a face as the siren screamed. "Who cares, just grab 'em and let's get the hell out of here." Daniel gave the katanas and the Sais to Teal'c and grabbed the staff and nunchakus himself. Carter held the door open, P-90 at the ready.

"Sir, we need to find a way to escape with minimal fire-fighting," Carter shouted above the klaxon as they ran down the hall. "These hallways are too narrow to put up much of a fight without danger of serious casualties."

"Alright. But if we can't fight, we need an escape route and fast," he called back. The four rounded a corner and were met with shots from blasters. "Aw crap!" O'Neill jerked back behind the corner just as a shot zipped past and nearly vented his face. He leaned partway around and began to fire his P-90. The halls rang with the rat-a-tat-tat of the rapid fire. Soldiers fell left and right but as soon as one fell two more arrived to take his place. "Carter, we need to go back!"

He hadn't noticed that while he was firing, Teal'c, Daniel, and Carter were firing the other way. Staff-weapon and zat shots rang out. "Negative, Colonel! They're coming from the other side too!" Carter shouted. O'Neill cursed and ducked back around the corner for a breather.

After a few seconds he leaned back around the corner and resumed putting holes in the guards and walls. The prisoners in the cells nearest the firefight were banging on the force fields with their limbs and roaring. Carter turned around to stick her P-90 around O'Neill's corner in an attempt to assist him in holding back the waves of guards.

"Any ideas?" Daniel shouted, firing his zat at the oncoming wave of guards. "Because this is quickly becoming the shortest escape in our history!"

Carter gritted her teeth as she fired. "Sir?"

"Working on it!" O'Neill growled, thinking rapidly. He took a hand off his P-90 to rummage inside a pocket of his vest. Hopefully those idiots who took his equipment had left the explosives in tact. He found a grenade. Bingo.

"Down!" he bellowed as he ripped out the pin and threw the device around his corner. Carter and O'Neill ducked and covered their ears as the halls resounded with a loud bang. Smoke and pieces of walls rained down upon them. O'Neill coughed violently and looked back around the corner. Bodies littered the floor. "Go!" He motioned with his hand and Carter and Daniel ran around the corner, guns at the ready. Teal'c continued firing at the guards at his end of the hall before he rounded the corner as well.

About five or six aliens were wandering in the hall. Three cell force fields had been negated in the grenade blast. They looked curiously at SG-1 as they ran by before assuming angry expressions. The guards rounded the corner and were immediately set upon by the vengeful creatures.

Daniel glanced back once or twice. "Well that's convenient!"

SG-1 ran a ways further before getting to a large door that sealed off the prison level they were currently on. Carter immediately went for the access panel and began to fiddle with it. Teal'c stood guard. O'Neill and Daniel leaned against the wall and panted, guns on standby.

"How long do you give us until more guards come?" O'Neill asked Carter.

"Hard to say, sir. But we've definitely caused a commotion," the woman replied. She had the cover to the panel off and was crossing wires. The colonel squinted down the hall, hearing yelling and screams of pain.

"I don't want to stick around long; those aliens that got free probably aren't going to stop with Federation prison guards," Daniel said.

"Indeed," Teal'c muttered.

Guards started coming down the hallway opposite the one where the escaped prisoners were causing havoc. "Crap," O'Neill groaned, getting behind the small outcropping of wall sticking out beyond the prison door. "Teal'c, help me out here."

The two began to fire at the oncoming wave. The guards fell back to defensive positions to return fire. Meanwhile, Carter furrowed her brow as the circuitry sparked. "I don't get it," she said to Daniel. "This door has the simplest wiring I've ever seen offworld."

The archeologist ducked as a stray blaster shot punished the wall above his head. "How about the red wire? Doesn't that usually work?"

Carter snorted. "In movies, maybe…damn…" She crossed more wires but with no effect.

O'Neill and Teal'c's resistance was rapidly proving futile. Guards kept coming and the colonel didn't think another grenade would work as beautifully as previously. They had to block off the flow somehow or things could get very ugly. "Teal'c! Fire a few staff blasts at the ceiling above them!"

"Understood," the Jaffa said almost casually. He aimed and peppered the ceiling with blasts. The blackened and pocked cement-like material groaned in protest and began to fall in large chunks. Yells of pain were met with the groan of the cement as it struck the floor. Dust flew everywhere. In a matter of seconds, the hall was barricaded eight feet up with huge slabs of cement.

O'Neill coughed and rested against the door. "And that takes care of that. Let's just _hope_ that level up there isn't crawling with henchmen wondering why there's a gigantic hole in the floor," he grunted, running his fingers through his graying hair. "How's the door coming, Carter?"

"….Gimme a few minutes, sir," the woman muttered.

The large door behind them groaned and suddenly started going up. "…I thought you said you needed a few minutes," O'Neill said with an eyebrow raise, getting down in order that his gun might greet whatever opposition was on the other side before his body did.

Carter looked puzzled. "I do, sir. But I didn't do _that_."

Teal'c and O'Neill looked at each other. The door went further up to reveal a huge courtyard-like area. Which just happened to be filled with Federation troops, armed to the teeth and pointing weapons at the door. SG-1 dove behind some crates as enemy fire rained down on their position.

"Well this sucks!" O'Neill quickly stuck his P-90 around his crate and returned fire briefly before he had to withdraw his arm for fear of it getting shot off.

"We're sitting ducks!" Carter yelled, doing her best to return fire as well. Teal'c was too concentrated on blasting at the guards with his staff-weapon to say anything. "We can't win with these odds!"

"Oh, we've been screwed _so_ _much _worse!" he growled back. He leaned around and began shooting again. When he got back home he was having about six beers to make up for this nonsense. And he was going _fishing_. In Minnesota. Where there were no aliens or interplanetary wars. And he was _going_ to get Teal'c to enjoy it one way or another. "How's that door behind us looking, Carter?"

"_Shut_, sir!" she yelled above the noise of her P-90. "They closed it after we were out!" Well at least whoever was Upstairs had given them the small grace of being safe from guards coming up behind. The colonel gave an appropriate curse and went back to putting holes in the opposition.

A stray (Or sickeningly well-aimed) blaster shot hit the crate right above O'Neill's head and he withdrew it with a grunt of surprise. _Crap,_ he thought as he looked up. The guards on the roof about forty floors up had gotten the message and were providing fire from above.

"_Damn_ it _to _hell," he groaned.

"O'Neill!" Teal'c called. The colonel looked up. The firing had stopped. He peered over the crate.

General Blanque, the sleaze bag, was right there in front of his guards. O'Neill could just vaguely see a grin on his face. The P-90 had a scope…he could probably take him out real quick and then all their problems would be gone - His voice rang out on some kind of speaker. Drat. "I know you four can't keep this up for long; give up now and I'll spare three of your lives," he sneered. As well as one _can_ sneer through a mike.

"I don't think so. How about _you _give up and we'll put you out of _our_ misery?" O'Neill yelled in quick reply. A blaster fired and zipped about an inch over his head. The colonel yelped out a startled "Whoa, yow!" and ducked down behind the crate again. "Geez, that wasn't called for!" Carter winced.

"I'm _waiting._" Blanque was silent for a few seconds. "I will order my men to open fire in a few moments."

Daniel made a face. "Doesn't look like we'll be getting out of this one unharmed."

"Or _living_," O'Neill said under his breath as he weighed the odds. Kamikaze would get them nowhere. And really, neither would surrendering. Now would be a great time for Thor to show up. Oh but wait, he was busy with those _Replicators_. Pffft.

Suddenly Daniel felt the staff and nunchakus he had gotten from the weapons room leave his person. Teal'c jerked as the swords were taken from his back. "Thaaaaaaaank you!" Three green shapes leapt high over the crates and ran headlong at the guards.

"What the – OPEN FIRE!" Blanque snarled. Blaster fire filled the air and guards cried out in pain. O'Neill peered over the crates and saw those green creatures from earlier beating the snot out of the guards with little more than martial arts weapons and their hands and feet.

"Holy crap, look at 'em go!" he said with glee.

"Yeah, I wish I could join in," somebody growled from behind him. SG-1 glanced backward and saw the fourth green creature sitting against the wall. Blood seeped from multiple wounds on his body. Kneeling next to him was the triceratops creature from before.

Daniel blinked. "Hey, I saw both of you before."

Not wanting to get caught up in conversation, O'Neill took up position around the crate. "Carter, Teal'c, provide the little guys with cover fire! They're the only thing keeping the attention off of us!"

"Yes sir!" Carter said, propping herself on top of a crate and taking aim. Teal'c gave one of his nods and began to fire randomly around the guards' ranks.

Meanwhile, Daniel had made his way to the green creature and Triceraton. "Hi, I'm uh…I'm Daniel Jackson," he offered.

The green fellow winced and gritted his teeth, eyeing him suspiciously. "…Raphael." Daniel nodded and looked to the Triceraton.

"I am Traximus," the dinosaurian alien said with a nod. His voice was a deep baritone, warm, but solid and resolved. "I am willing to offer what assistance I can in this battle."

Daniel glanced at Raphael. "He means…blasters," the green alien said with difficulty, contorting his hand as a spasm of pain wracked his body. "Traxy here is good with guns."

"Ah," the archeologist said. "Well um, you can use my zat if you like. It's pretty easy to figure out. One shot stuns, two kills and a third disintegrates." The Triceraton nodded and accepted the weapon with a huge three-fingered hand. Then he proceeded to take up a position next to O'Neill. The colonel kept his surprise to a minimum, as the guards were now getting smarter and returning their fire. The three other green creatures were still going at it strong. And Teal'c had taken it upon himself to keep the guards on the top of the complex busy with staff blasts coming at their heads.

"Ow," Raphael growled through his teeth. Daniel knelt down beside him.

"Anything I can provide a quick fix for?"

"No," he said shortly. "Ow…ow…" Daniel glanced back at the rest of his team and Traximus. The four still fired with as much precision as before but he bet that Carter and O'Neill were quickly running out of P-90 rounds. They would have to deal with wounds at a different time.

"Crap!" O'Neill suddenly yelled. "One of the little green guys took a shot!" Raphael attempted to sit up with a snarl but was subdued by hurts unseen and seen. "Cover them, they're coming back!"

Moments later the three green creatures got behind the crates as fast as they could, panting heavily. "Woo, that was fun," the one with the orange bandanna said, chest heaving. "Nothing like opening a can of butt whoop after being in a cell for who knows how long!"

The one in blue leaned over to Carter, breathing in spurts. "We took down as many as we could, but it wasn't enough."

"You fought valiantly and with much skill," Teal'c said encouragingly.

Orange looked up and patted the Jaffa's leg with a grin. "Aw, thanks big fella. You're not too bad yourself. At least, with a gun, I haven't even seen you – "

"We need an out; Blanque won't let that stop him for long. His superior numbers and position can overwhelm us within minutes," Blue said. "And even though the shot that clipped Don was a glancing one, he can't fight very well with it."

Don, the one in purple, laid his staff on the ground and clutched his shoulder with a wince. "Lucky shot, I say," he muttered.

"There should be some sort of sewer entrance grate around the wall nearby," Traximus yelled over his zat fire.

O'Neill looked at him and made a face. "Sewers? Oh, _wonderful_."

"Better make it quick, sir," Carter shouted. "They're advancing!"

"Crap…you, Blue and Orange, go see if Dino Boy here was right." O'Neill had now run out of P-90 rounds and switched to his zat.

"Blue and Orange – " The one started to say but Blue caught a hold of his arm and dragged him away, sheathing his swords in the process.

Daniel carefully made his way to Don. "Hey, you gonna be okay?"

He peeked through half-screwed shut eyes. "Eh, nothing that'll kill me. I'll be fine." Daniel was about to get back to his position next to Traximus when Don spoke up again. "Hey, um…what's your name?"

"Daniel Jackson."

The alien nodded. "Thanks Daniel…you know, for breaking us out. I thought we were done for this time," he said with a tired smile. The archeologist blinked. Uh, right.

"No problem. Really, I think you should be thanking Sam. She's the one who figured out how to disable the force fields." He realized for the first time how young the four aliens sounded. Almost teenage.

Suddenly Blue and Orange were back. "Traxy was right; there's a sewer grate but it'll need some _serious_ convincing before it's ready to come off," Orange exclaimed.

"Dino boy can use his hulking bulk," O'Neill grunted. "Teal'c and I will provide cover fire. Carter, Daniel, you help Don and Red to the sewer grate." Carter replied with a quick 'Yes sir' and grabbed her charge. "Traximus, you're a buff guy. Think you could pry off that grate?"

The Triceraton stuck the zat gun in the belt of the one article of clothing he wore and nodded. "Most certainly." He ducked his horned head below the cover of the crates and moved to the left for the access grate. Carter helped Don over to some more stacked crates so he could stand. Daniel slung Raphael's arm around his neck and lifted the short alien to his feet. He let out a pained hiss and growled a stream of unintelligible words.

"Go!" the colonel yelled over the gunfire. Traximus ran out into the open and knelt down. He locked his hands on something and wrenched a metal grate out of the ground with a loud bellow. Then he spun it like a Frisbee and buried it in a Federation transport vessel, taking out an engine. The resulting explosion sent debris flying everywhere. Blanque uttered a cry of rage and ordered the fire to be directed at 'that hulking orange monster' but Traximus vanished into the hole before the order could be carried out.

Carter and Don ran for the hole next. Carter was about to turn to help the alien down into the hole but he simply sprung as agilely as a cat down into the darkness. The woman pushed her amazement aside and hopped in after him. Daniel lowered Raphael in after a brief moment and then dropped through.

"Our turn!" O'Neill left off firing and he and Teal'c ran for the sewer hole. The Jaffa fired a few shots from his staff before he vanished into the hole. O'Neill caught an enraged expression on General Blanque's face as he jumped in and felt gratified.

The colonel was caught at the bottom by Traximus's large arms and lowered gently into inch-deep water. He immediately backed up and looked up the hole from whence they had come. "We need to clog that. Teal'c, would you please?" Traximus removed himself to a safe distance with the rest of SG-1 and the aliens as the Jaffa stepped forward. He raised his staff-weapon and riddled the opening with fire, dislodging sizeable chunks of cement and rock until the tunnel was filled with dust and the light from outside had been neutralized.

"_That_ worked well," Daniel coughed. "Anybody got a light?" There were a series of clicks and Carter and O'Neill had their P-90 lights shining at the ceiling, spreading the light out further.

"Well, which way now?"

Carter made a face. "Away from here, sir?" Raphael made a pained noise. Blue glanced at Traximus.

"Traximus, would you be willing to carry Raph for us until we can treat him better?" he asked, putting a green three-fingered hand on the Triceraton's muscled arm.

"I would be happy to," he replied, moving his thick legs along the floor. He gently took Raph from Daniel, easing him into a laying position in his cradling arms.

"Ow! Hey, come on, Leo, I could probably walk," Raph protested hotly. Leo, the blue one, shook his head.

"Oh come on, Raph. You were making a big deal out of it when we busted you out of the lab."

Orange sniggered. "Hurt so much you said something about ramming your Sai up Blanque's – "

"_Can _it, Mikey," he growled.

"_Wha-aaat_?" He poked the bad-tempered alien in the arm. "C'mon, Raphie-boy, you know you – Ow! Hey, geez, _you're _the invalid here! You shouldn't be punching people! OW! Not the face!"

O'Neill, satisfied to finally have names to connect to the aliens, interrupted. "Look, I hate to be such a disturber of the fun, but we need to get _far _away from here."

"Indeed," Teal'c said, hefting his staff weapon.

"An expedition into the wild darkness of the sewers! Off we go!" Mikey pointed toward one of two tunnels branching off from theirs. Silence fell over the group. He turned around, looking increasingly confused. "…Who wants to choose a creepy dark tunnel first?"

"…Right, I'll lead the way then," Carter said, smiling a little.

* * *

Blanque watched his men circle the hole into which his enemies had fled. Like rats into the sewers. Let them think they had won for now. It was just the beginning of his plans. He turned around and walked back up the ramp into his transport vessel. Although… those Turtles had thrown a new element into the mix when they escaped with SG-1. A smile played on his craggy face as he turned the corner into the main hallway of the ship. This would be easier than he thought.

Soldiers bypassed him in the hall with little more than a hurried salute before they scurried off to do damage control. Who knew a sewer grate could blow up an engine like that? The General frowned. Hull damage was probably too much for anything more than a short trip, but no matter. That was all he needed.

He turned the corner on his boot heel and stepped around an engineer repairing circuits.

"Sir!"

The General stopped and turned to face the speaker. "Damage report, private?"

"Yes sir," the man replied, saluting.

"Continue."

"The prison complex, sir. So far we hear that there is a large hole in the ceiling of the ground floor where the symbiote-man blocked the passageway in order to negate the flow of guards from that area. Casualties are still being tallied from that cave-in." Blanque nodded and motioned for more. "The five prisoners that escaped in the explosive blast on the ground level have been subdued and placed in confinement once more. Twelve men were killed."

"Hmmmm…have that account of murder added to their charges."

"Yes sir. The Tau'ri alien you ordered to be taken to the lab for interrogation has also escaped, along with the other three. He was prepared as you ordered, sir. The lab in which he was prepared, however, has been mildly sabotaged. We're still waiting on that damage report."

"Good, good," Blanque said distractedly as a soldier ran around him.

"The Triceraton Traximus is also gone," the private added as an afterthought.

"I _gathered_ that," the General growled in slight annoyance. "Is that all, _private_?" His good mood suddenly flew away like smoke at the mere mention of that wretched scum's name.

"Y-yes sir."

"Move along." The private went running down the hall. Blanque suppressed his distaste for incompetence such as this and went to the cockpit. He barely heard the salutes and shouts of acknowledgement at his presence over the crippled thumping of his vessel's engine. That Triceraton would pay once more when he got his hands around that brainless dinosaur's throat.

"Set a course for the city, captain," he said as he sat in his chair. "I want to be ready for the show."

"Yes sir!"

Blanque smiled as the wounded craft clawed its way into the air. If all went according to plan, things should get _very_ interesting for the Federation within a few hours.


End file.
